some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
