u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
