Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
