we have officially lost it.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
