hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
