Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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