i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Life is so much better after having sex.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
