They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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