Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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