my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
