Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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