dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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