his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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