i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
