your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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