The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
