i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
