this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
