Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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