You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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