Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
