i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
