So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
