i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
