she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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