I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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