I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
