new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Boobs speak an international language.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
