I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
