My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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