oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
