fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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