This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
