So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
