I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
