No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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