I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
