I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
