im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
