it's too hot outside to masturbate.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
