I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
