very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
