Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
