what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Randomize
