At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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