fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
