wrigley field is MILF paradise
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
