also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
