I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
