I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
