1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
